Comments on: Friendship Love

By: MinD

MinD — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 22:19:52 +0000

A friend of mine is that type of girl. Er, should I say ex-friend. It happened in the past – she’d get a boyfriend and practically ditch me and her other friends from that point forward. When the relationship crumbled, we were still there for her, helping to pick up the pieces, and she’d vow to never ditch us for a guy again.

But she always does. And now that I’m living far away, I *never* hear from her now that she has a boyfriend. Perhaps with the friends close by, that habit has changed, but it hasn’t with me. We’d talk at least regularly once I moved. But as soon as the boy cropped up, that literally died on the spot. I haven’t heard from her since – including on my birthday.

=(

That’s absolutely awful. She is really going to regret her actions someday. Does she not get it? I’m guessing you’ve never talked to her about it, and I understand. It’d be really hard for me to bring something like that up to a friend’s attention.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:00:47 +0000

A funny story came to mind when I read this.

When I was in junior high, I was super shy around boys. My best friend was the opposite; flirty, vivacious, they all loved her.

We rode the bus together, and there were two guys we were friends with who also rode the bus with us. We’ll say their names were Jason and Derrik. Well, I always got off the bus before her, and when she got home she’d call me and regail me with all the amazing and funny things that transpired between her, Jason, and Derrik. This happened every day, and every day I got a little more fed up.

One day I couldn’t take it any more. As she was in mid sentence that sounded something like, “And then, ohmygoshRachel, Jason said–” until I cut her off by yelling at the top of my lungs, “I DON’T CARE ABOUT JASON AND DERRIK” and promptly hung up on her!

Talk about pent up emotion, huh?

Well, lets just say that took care of the problem (for about a week, that is).

Hahah! Sometimes you just gotta let it all out.

By: carolyn

carolyn — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 16:42:08 +0000

Ditto. I never got along with girls who were “guys’ girls” all that well.

maybe that’s because of my experience with men? In my experience they *usually* either want to date me or don’t have much interest in me. I’ve also talked to enough men to know they (sometimes knowingly against their best interests) fall for unavailable girls. Put those two facts together and I come to the conclusion that girls with all guy friends usually just like the attention.

And yeah, I’ve just found such value in my girl friendships that I can’t imagine life without them!

Amen sister.

By: imerika

imerika — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 21:30:07 +0000

I never understood women who didn’t get along with other women. I always assumed something was wrong with them. Heck, I still think there is something wrong with them.

Maybe they’re just not hanging out with the right kind of women?

I think that’s a good theory.

By: kahlia

kahlia — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 18:01:31 +0000

If I had written the last sentence of this post (“In my opinion, being secure in yourself and focusing on healthy friendships rather than finding security in romantic relationships is what’s really important.”), I would have been very tempted put “security” in quotes. I agree, and think that too often the people who think they can find security in romantic relationships are those who are least likely to actually do so. For example, a friend of mine is the type to post pictures of all the beer cans left over after a party and to talk about sex “like a guy”, but I know that she’s just putting on the all-my-friends-are-guys-because-I’m-so-much-like-them front, and I just don’t see the point. Plus, I think it’s a meaningless promulgation and perpetuation of gender stereotypes and I just wish we didn’t have to do that any more and we could move on already. (But there I go expecting everyone to behave/believe as I do!)
I’m not sure there’s much we can do to get through to them and make them realise what they’re doing (and that it’s not productive)–at least not until they’re really ready to really listen to others’ opinions. For the friend I mentioned above, I’ve just had to accept that she’s been like* that since we were 14 (14 years ago!) and despite my gentle suggestions that this behaviour is precisely the problem (not the solution), she’s not yet ready to try something else. So for now, there’s not much I can do about it, but know that she doesn’t ditch me on purpose and that eventually she’ll come around (and will need a non-judgemental female friend when that happens).
*I’m not gonna lie, I totally was too! That’s what helped us bond at first. But I changed a lot when I went away to university (and even more so when I came to do my Master’s in Europe), and finally have found a place where I feel comfortable with who I am–and that includes great friendships (with men and women) that don’t get blown off for romantic interests just because there happens to be one nearby.

Anyway, I totally agree with the sentiment expressed in this post, and think that the journey to become the most “complete” version of yourself you can be is a far more worthy pursuit than the pursuit of your latest romantic interest!

By: Kelli

Kelli — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 17:05:38 +0000

This is really an interesting post – who’d have thought we’d have actually gotten a memorable quote from THE REAL WORLD? haha, i remember hearing this though & thinking about it, as well. great job analyzing – you raised a lot of good points, miss!

xoxo

Thanks. Yes, I was surprised by the Real World as well. But if it makes me think and challenges me to be a better person, I’ll take it.