Dear Quarter-life Lady,

What do you do when your boyfriend is hooked on drugs?

Sincerely,

Concerned

Dear Concerned,

Wow. Although only one sentence long, you have asked a loaded question with a not-so-simple answer.

First and foremost, I want to make it clear that while I have had exposure and training pertaining to substance abuse issues, I am far from being an expert on the subject. I implore to you read the following words of advice with the intention of seeking professional counsel afterward. Addiction is a serious issue that should never be confronted without proper education, support, and medical attention.

Because I do not have a specific idea of what your situation looks like, I will try to be as general as I can and make as few assumptions as possible. I want to share with you a few things I think could be helpful as you make future decisions. Please keep in mind that these ideas are not chronological steps you should follow rigidly, but rather suggestions you may want to draw from as needed.

Educate yourself: At this point, Google and the public library should become your best friends. If you’re suspicious about a certain behavior your boyfriend is engaging in, I encourage you to research it. Learn what you can about the symptoms of drug abuse as this knowledge will help you as you move forward. More importantly, however, I encourage you to research community resources that can educate and support you. Nar-Anon provides support to friends and relatives of addicts. There is more than likely a chapter in your area that hosts weekly meetings. You would be more than welcome to attend.

Understand the characteristics of addiction and its impact on your relationship: Research supports the idea that addiction is a disease. Thankfully, with the right motivation and support, it is a disease that can be treated. Knowing this, be aware of how your boyfriend’s addiction will affect you and your relationship. For example, trust and communication often suffer when addiction is involved.

Make decisions: Recovery first begins with a decision. Your significant other will eventually need to decide whether or not he is going to seek treatment. Additionally, you will need to make some decisions too. Are you willing to stay in a relationship in which addiction is an issue? How will you support your significant other as he seeks treatment? Are you able let him focus on his treatment without trying to step in and fix the problem yourself?

You may also want to think of what your response will be if your significant other is not ready to take steps toward treatment. These are questions that only you can answer.

Take care of yourself: I know you care about your boyfriend; the fact that you’re seeking advice shows your concern for him. If you’ve chosen to support him through this, he will greatly appreciate it. It is important, however, to not allow your support to him trump your need for self-care. A counselor or support group will help you identify constructive ways to take care of yourself. Find positive people in your life whom you trust to encourage you through this, keeping in mind that what you share with others may impact the way they view your boyfriend in the future.

Again, I cannot stress enough how important it is that you both seek professional counsel and medical attention before taking any steps forward. Attempting to quit any drug without supervision can result in dangerous withdrawal symptoms which could lead to death. For your emotional and physical safety, you must speak with professionals in order to get a better idea of what your options are. I have compiled a list of resources below to help you get started.

I know this is the beginning of an incredibly scary and overwhelming time for you. Remember that this scary beginning may lead to challenging, yet beautiful journey towards recovery. Please know that in the midst of all this, there is hope.

I wish you the best of luck,

Quarter-life Lady

Resources:

Narcotics Anonymous (for addicts): http://www.na.org/

Nar-Anon (for friends and relatives of addicts): http://nar-anon.org/

Addiction Resource Guide: http://www.addictionresourceguide.com/

National Institute for Drug Addiction: http://www.nida.nih.gov/

CONTACT Crisis and Suicide Hotline: 412-820-HELP

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