One of my new favorite pastimes is listening to my friends talk about their relationships. Hearing my friends discuss their relationship woes has been a very educational experience for me. I mean, I want to be a good friend and all, but I do appreciate learning from my friends’ mistakes (ahem, I mean lives). I take note of everything I hear, bookmarking anything I want to remember for future reference.
Recently, I asked a friend about her and her fiancée’s plans after getting married. I was taken aback when she mentioned that they’d probably move in with her parents after the wedding. I felt joy for her as she made her wedding plans, but felt surprised by her lack of marriage plans. There’s no doubt in my mind that everything will work itself out, but I’m not sure that I could stay as calm in the midst of that kind of uncertainty. “Note to self,” I thought. “Save your money now so you won’t have to fornicate under mommy and daddy’s roof later.”
During the first year of my current relationship, I rarely hesitated to describe the ordeals my boyfriend and I were facing with any close friend that would listen. I had little confidence in my ability to contribute to my boyfriend’s well-being while in our relationship, so I depended on my friends for their guidance. It wasn’t until I started to shut my mouth and open my ears that I realized that I wasn’t the only one uncertain about things in her relationship. No, my friends don’t cling to me the way I clung to them, but they don’t have all the answers either. The same blind faith I put into my relationship they put into theirs as well.
The truth is that when it comes to relationships, nobody knows all the right moves to make. We’re constantly trying to balance the desires of our hearts with the knowledge from our heads. It only makes sense that during this balancing act we will have to allow ourselves to make a few mistakes along the way. I’m finally at a point where I can accept my mistakes knowing that I’ll probably make more mistakes if I haphazardly follow advice from my friends. I look at my friends not as counselors or gurus, but as peers who are just as confused about life as I am. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I rest assured knowing that they don’t either.
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- Tags: advice, engagements, relationships
mrs mary mack
December 7th, 2008 at 8:05 PM
I have friend of mine that had to move in with parents after her wedding…literally the day after coming back from the honeymoon. Although theirs was for a different reason (new home wasn’t ready).
Relationships are difficult to muddle though with too many pieces of advice involved. I always look for good “relationship role models”. People who have been either happily married for an extended period of time or un-wed ,non-drama filled couples. Unhappy people give horrible advice.
“We’re constantly trying to balance the desires of our hearts with the knowledge from our heads”-so true…
Lizzie
December 8th, 2008 at 3:15 AM
My best friend – the person I consider to be my soulmate – called me last Sunday, while I was home visiting my family for Thanksgiving – to tell me that she was leaving her husband. No discussion, no counseling, no nothing. We really NEVER KNOW. As much as we think we do, and fantasize we do, and delude ourselves into thinking we do… we never know.
I can only hope that if the day ever comes for me where I’m making a massive, life changing decision, that I’m wise enough to 1. Talk it through with the people I love and 2. Put some effort into making it right.
And making it right means something completely different for eveyone…
personal development
December 8th, 2008 at 7:50 AM
That`s a good favourite pastime.. anyway i like reading your post
Diana
December 8th, 2008 at 6:00 PM
Hello, I really like your blog. It’s unique and its def a blog I can relate to!
Thanks for reading and commenting on my blog! I just started blogging
But what a small world, you also went to Temple? Did you end up getting a PR or communication job when you graduated? And for PRSSA, I am actually on the eboard for it and I have had one internship so far. Now i’m on i’m on the search for another one for this spring or summer.
Thanks for all the advice
Sarah
December 9th, 2008 at 2:36 PM
Thanks for the comment, girl! I’m loving your site so far – I will def link to it : ) The titles of your posts are hilarious!
Stiletto Sports Jen
December 12th, 2008 at 3:09 PM
I am really loving your site–definitely say a lot that’s in my mind and makes me think all day long! Really, no one knows. Thought my sister had this great marriage until I overheard her one night (she was down in FL visiting her kids and I was there too) crying hysterically at 2am on the phone with her husband and he was being a total ass. Yet every day she puts on a brave face and acts like its all okay. Even sent her an email to see and she deliberately misinterpreted me to avoid answering.
I find that in my current relationship, things are better when I do talk about the issues to someone else. The more I keep inside, the more bottled up I become.