Another Reason Why Home Base is Awesome

5May2010 Filed under: Current Events, Health and Beauty, Sex and Relationships Author: AkirahWyatt

…funny conversations with old friends.

Last week I tweeted a lot about how weird unique the culture is on Christian college campuses. After living in “reality” for three years, it was odd to go back to my former Christian bubble and see twenty year old girls wearing engagement rings. I had forgotten that at Messiah, getting married young is completely normal.

I blogged about this phenomenon awhile back and while I don’t think it’s inherently a bad thing, I do remember the pressure I felt as a Christian college student. Even at age 20, my ringless finger a made me wonder if I’d EVER find a suitable [Christian] husband.

I don’t think it’s awful for people to get married young…as long as they understand what they’re getting themselves into and aren’t getting married because A) they want to have sex or B) they think marriage will solve their problems. But it does make me sad that many women on Christian campuses feel pressured to have their “ring by spring.”

Anyhow, here’s a video my friend Daniela and I recorded in the dining hall. Because we were feeling giggly. And bored. (Facebook friends, click here to view original post):

Oh, and that mass email about the “Tea for Brides to Be” session? Here’s what it said:

“Are you recently engaged? Planning to get married in the next year? Come join our nurse practitioner for a relaxing and frank discussion about the wedding night, birth control options, and other female health issues. Bring your questions…you can ask us anything! (Light refreshments will be served)”

Now, if I were attending that session, I’d need more than some light refreshments. I’d need my Blackberry and two stiff drinks. Though, if I were still a student at Messiah, I wouldn’t be allowed to drink.

But I would be allowed to get married.

How normal.

When you were in college, were many students engaged to be married? Or does the concept of “Ring by Spring” seem insane to you?

17 Responses to “Another Reason Why Home Base is Awesome”

Malinda
May 5th, 2010 at 3:31 PM

At BYU, half of this year’s graduating students were MARRIED! BYU is ring by spring times a gazillion!!!
Martina
May 5th, 2010 at 5:01 PM

Nope. Up here in my liberal city it’s almost unheard of to even be considering marriage until you’re at least 24 years old.

I’ve never ever heard of this “Ring by Spring” thing but I’m intrigued…
thatShortChick
May 5th, 2010 at 5:51 PM

wow…that is something. I went to private, catholic schools all the way until college and this sounds like something they would’ve done. maybe. the issue of sex was rarely brought, only in terms of abstinence.

However, I’ve noticed that a lot of girls down here in Charlotte get married early – like before 24 years old EARLY. and it kind of freaks me out but they all seem to genuinely want it, so I can’t really knock it.

I must know, why did you choose to go to this college? what drew you to Messiah?
Anne-Marie
May 5th, 2010 at 9:37 PM

My husband and I met at Messiah. We hadn’t planned to follow the “Ring by Spring” trend, but it turned out to be the right time for us. Admittedly, it felt strange to share our decision to marry – what we considered a ‘unique’ and special decision – with many other couples. Still, we’ve been married two years now, and we haven’t regretted the timing!
Anne-Marie
May 5th, 2010 at 9:51 PM

*For the record, our decision to get married was unrelated to sex. Mainly, we had some grueling years of grad school ahead of us, and we preferred to marry early and enjoy a few stress-free months in our new city, rather than marry after enduring two+ years of veritable hell. It came down to logistics.
Jake
May 6th, 2010 at 9:35 PM

I actually clicked through to watch the video. As I was watching I thought, “there needs to be more swears.” You did not disappoint.

I never read your blog because it’s generally irritating (just to me, I’m a jerk), but I was curious and found this http://www.divorcerate.org/

Basically, as a lady, if you get married at age 20 to 24 you’re in the highest likelihood to get a divorce, and if you just wait until your a tad older at 25, your likelihood of divorce is reduced by over half.
mandy
May 6th, 2010 at 9:45 PM

Oh wow. That sort of blows my mind. There were people who were engaged when I was in college but they never made it to the altar. The mentality in a small town is much the same — go to college, get married, have kids. Its sad.
Mrs. Micah
May 6th, 2010 at 9:47 PM

Ok, so I went to that tea for brides thing. They were nice, but it didn’t really teach me anything new or prepare me too well for stuff. The weirdest thing, if you ask me, is that there isn’t a “tea for grooms” event. Or “manly food for grooms.”

My justification is I’d been with boy person 5 years. After 5 years…well, it’s not always time but it’s damn well near time.

What I really can’t understand is getting married in college. Or getting pregnant in college. Have a little restraint and focus on one thing at a time. It’s not too hard to put those off unless you’ve got some incredibly good reason.
Allison Blass
May 6th, 2010 at 9:52 PM

I went to a public, liberal state college, but I was part of Campus Crusade for Christ and other campus ministries. Many of them were engaged by the time they graduated, and many married that summer, or in the year following graduation (basically, whoever their college sweetheart was, but they waited at least until they had a college degree). I think that under 24 is way too young, personally speaking. I don’t think most people are mature enough to make that decision, though it works for some I guess. I worry more about short engagements. If you’re getting married 3-6 months after you got engaged, you’re in it for sex. Hands down, no questions. I won’t believe anyone who says otherwise.

Most of my Christian friends from college are married, although not all were young. Some got married at 26-28 years of age, but I think that’s because we were more focused on finding the one God planned for us, regardless of timing. I feel like Christian colleges are so bent out of shape over premarital sex that they’d rather have you marry early and divorce than have premarital sex.
Jamie
May 7th, 2010 at 1:11 AM

Well seeing as I didn’t finish college, I can’t comment on that.

But I will say in my neighborhood, a lot of girls I graduated with got knocked in high school. And now at 25-26 have more than one child and only a small percent married so this whole idea is intriguing to me.

But it’s funny being considered the odd one out because I don’t have kids. It’s one of the first questions asked when I run into people I know!
Anne-Marie
May 7th, 2010 at 8:07 AM

I encourage all of you to stop over to my blog. Akirah and I and a few other girls have had a great discussion on this very topic. You can find it in the comments section of the post “Young Bride = Sane Bride?” I invite you to read it and share your thoughts.

If you’re unable to read it, however, let me summarize the tone of our discussion: we’ve concluded that predicating judgments on generalities prevent us from identifying the source of the issue, and, in so doing, prohibit us from solving whatever problem we think we’ve identified.

Let’s remember that people make irresponsible – and responsible! – decisions at all ages. We can often trace these decisions – good and bad – to ideological frameworks which perpetuate societal standards of normativity. We would probably have a more productive discussion if we interrogated the frameworks rather than the people.
Akirah
May 7th, 2010 at 8:23 AM

Jake, you’re mean to say my blog is irritating. But thanks for the statistic. I’m pretty happy right now that I’m not married.

P.S. You’re irritating too.
Jake
May 7th, 2010 at 8:23 AM

I just don’t think I’m your target demographic, is all. Don’t get too offended. It’s all good stuff.
Liz DePriest
May 8th, 2010 at 7:09 PM

Allison Blass, fancy meeting you here!! Small world.

I’ll add this to the comments I’ve already made over on Anne-Marie’s blog.

If we want to talk statistics, here’s another set of them that’s pertinent to this discussion: according to this website (http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1058/is_22_125/ai_n31029819/)
the divorce rate within 10 years of marriage for those who hold college degrees is 16.5%, that for those who hold only high school diplomas is 38%, and that for those who did not graduate from high school is 46%.

I’m an advocate of learning to think for yourself, make your own judgments about what you should and shouldn’t do, and making decisions based upon those judgments rather than because of societal pressures. I think college is a place where we learn to do those things, which likely contributes to why the college educated have a significant leg up in these statistics.

I do agree that our attitudes toward many things change as we get older, particularly in these years between 21 and 30 when we are figuring out the trajectory of our “adult” lives. As such, I can’t help wondering if you, Akirah, and some of the other commenters on this post will feel differently about the labels and judgments you’re applying to “young brides” a few years down the road.
Unrealistic Images and the Desire to Attain Them - Quarter-life Lady
May 10th, 2010 at 12:12 PM

[...] friend Daniela — the one speaking in this post – asked me if she could use my blog to discuss an issue she is passionate about, female body [...]
Singlutionary
May 10th, 2010 at 12:34 PM

I think that when you’re that young you have no idea what you’re getting into. And that can be a good thing . . . I mean. Life is what you make it. Because when you get married young you have no idea how foolish you are and then you just learn to live life with your spouse and you figure it all out as you grow up. If you want to get married older there is so much more negotiation because you KNOW who you are and there is so much more to compromise on.

But now that I’ve seen one of my friend’s get divorced, I think its best to know yourself before you get married. Life life on your own after college. Have your own apartment.

If you are going to spend eternity with your spouse, you’ve got plenty of time to spare before the wedding.

Unless, of course, you’re just marrying cause you’re dying to get down and dirty — like you pointed out.
Rachel
May 11th, 2010 at 12:17 PM

I went to Geneva, another Christian college in Pennsylvania. While the ring by spring phenomena happened there, I was a part of group of friends (guys and girls) who were all pretty much single our college years. Granted, some of them did end up with their “MRS./MR. degree” in the end, but over all we were a single bunch during the college years.

I will say this. I have noticed that casual dating usually doesn’t happen at Christian colleges, or at least, it’s not prominent. You are basically in a serious relationship, or you’re single. Not a whole lot of in between. That’s at least how it was at Geneva.