Blogging
25Jun2010 Filed under: Current Events Author: AkirahWyattA verb that used to come so naturally to me has become awkward and difficult. It’s not that I have nothing to say…I’ve certainly been going through enough lately. I just don’t know how to blog about any of it.
This is a peculiar season of life for me. Life is just fine, but I hardly feel equipped to “encourage young women who are transitioning into adulthood.” I’m the one yearning for encouragement.
I kinda feel embarrassed about some things. I mean, I try to make good choices, but in the past few months I’ve missed the mark. Admittedly, my life is far from the perfection I often strive towards.
Well eff it. I’m not perfect. And while I might not feel equipped to encourage others through my example, perhaps someone will experience encouragement through my imperfections…
Sometimes I make out with people I’m technically not supposed to make out with. Oh well. I’m an adult. I’ll deal with the consequences.
I don’t want to hear about your happy relationship because I’m petty. Maybe one day I’ll grow up, but maybe not. Until then, I plan on sitting on my couch and watching old-school episodes of “Sex and the City.” You know, the good ol’ days when they were all single and miserable. The way it should be.
I don’t live with anyone right because I’ve developed this habit where nothing makes me happier than to push people away. Seriously, the guard I have up is my best friend. And you probably won’t knock it down. Not anytime soon.
Mmm. What else? Well, every loser who hits on me makes me feel more and more confident that I’m going to die alone. After dating a guy with a penis the size of a roll of quarters, a guy who played on his iPhone throughout our whole date, and another who works at WacArnold’s, I’m not feeling very confident about my love life. I even joined an online dating site and the only men who ever “flirt” with me are old ass weirdos from Texas.
And THAT’S why I read self-help dating books.
I’m just doing the best I can. And I hope that’s all you want from me. And I hope that one day, the words will come to me so I can start blogging about some of this shit.
I mean, the quarter-roll-penis thing would’ve made a GREAT post.
Rae
June 26th, 2010 at 10:10 AM
You have been a HUGE encouragement to me. The past few months have been like one freak-out-moment for me as I try to mesh expectations–my own and other people’s–with what’s actually happening in my life. I’m slowly realizing, life is just LIFE, and living happens every day, whether or not it matches up with what “stage” I “should” be in right now.
So it was very encouraging to see you–someone I admire for her strength, and look up to for her ability to just take whatever life throws her way, like blogging, and the GAP thing, and being job-less for a time–face similar questions I was asking about myself. It’s encouraging to realize that no one has life figured out, and when I’m on my death-bed, I’ll tell people what I’ve done with my life, but until then, I’ll never know “what I want to be when I grow up.”
And don’t worry. I make out with people I shouldn’t either. And I seem to put out the “Hey that girl looks like a one-night-stand” vibe. Apparently saying, “I’m not that kind of girl” is code for “I want you I need you oh baby oh baby.” (10 Things I Hate About You will always be one of my favorite movies. I cried when Heath Ledger died).
So right now, I’m just kind of taking this whole “life” setup one step at a time. And having fun along the way. And going on Starbucks dates with my dad.
Thanks for freaking out. It’s nice to have company.
And why God made the penis so damn ugly is beyond me. Built-in birth control?
Melissa
June 26th, 2010 at 4:40 PM
Honestly, this post has made me feel less alone. I’m going through very similar circumstances, i.e. dating. I feel like my self-esteem has gone through the ringer in the last year dating-wise. I don’t know how women do it. I just want to throw my hands up and give up – but I guess a bigger part of me doesn’t want to be alone. So I keep trying. But it’s really getting the best of me lately.
And it’s really encouraging and nice to know that I’m not the only that’s been through the ringer lately regarding dating. For real. Especially because most of my friends are either in serious relationships, engaged, or getting married. And I’m stuck with loser dates that end with the guys trying to get in my pants.
(first time commenting, even though I’ve followed you for over a year, yay! lol)
Jolene
June 27th, 2010 at 10:46 AM
I say embrace the “eff it” and just go with your gut and what you feel…you’re doing great (and I concur on the roll of quarters post…haha)
Summer Fades
June 27th, 2010 at 7:16 PM
I have stopped and started writing words of encouragement to you so many times over the last few days.
I still don’t have the words.
But I wanted you to know I’m reading. And I remember where you are.
And I guess, all you need to know is that it does.get.better.
Promise.
Can’t wait to have you back.
A.Smith
June 28th, 2010 at 11:04 AM
There’s nothing more difficult than being honest about ourselves. Especially not in the blogging world. Inevitably some well-meaning person will stop by and have all the answers for you when what you really wanted was someone to go “yeah, I hear you man. life sucks.”
Yup. I’m with you on all this.
But it’s also so true that those are the times where we encourage people the most. Folks like to know someone else is struggling as much as they like to know someone has an “answer” (or at least a “what not to do”).
I go back and forth myself on how much of my personal issues I want to post. When I do posts on personal issues, I surely don’t do it for the commentary on my life, I do it because I want others to know that I can attest to the fact that at least one other person is sorta struggling with certain issues.
So all that to say thank you for this post.
Liz
June 28th, 2010 at 12:18 PM
I would have LOVED to read about the penis the size of a roll of quarters. Just like you enjoy watching the lonely/miserable episodes of SATC, people like reading about that stuff too. So start blogging about it and u just might be surprised by the increase in readers – cuz unfortunately, misery loves company
Mindy
June 28th, 2010 at 3:02 PM
How did I miss that blog about the guy with the quarter-roll penis? Jeeeez. And I’m so okay with you blogging more about that, lol.
Um, and there’s not a damn thing wrong with making out with anyone. Not in my book anyhow. You’re young, you’re single, have fun as best you can.
Annah
June 29th, 2010 at 9:25 AM
Nothing wrong with a little making out girl! You’re young, now is the time
Shannon
June 29th, 2010 at 9:04 PM
Oh My God I still love you….just saying:)
Kim
June 30th, 2010 at 9:34 AM
I hope you do get the nerve to blog about that guy with the roll of quarters penis. Just sayin’ ….:)