I loathe vomit. More than the average person, I think. I cannot smell it, I cannot be near it, and I cannot see it. I plug my ears immediately if I even think someone is going to be sick. Hell, I hate vomit so much I’m struggling to write this paragraph.
Two days ago, the strapping young man I call “boyfriend” was sick. He threw up three times. The first time I suspected it, the second time I heard it, but I was back at my apartment before he did it the third time. I felt bad for abandoning him, but the thought of contracting the flu and spending the day by the toilet was just too much for me to bear.
So, my question for you is: am I a bad girlfriend and if so, how bad, on a scale of one to ten? Normally I wouldn’t think twice about this, but the guilt of selfishness is killing me.
When he felt all better, he made it a point to give me feedback. “How can I think about marrying you if you refuse take care of me when I’m sick?”
“Well, when we’re married, we’ll have a big house, so you can be sick in one room and I’ll wait until you’re better in another,” I replied.
“But that’s not what normal married couples do,” he said.
“Why can’t you just respect that I hate being around vomit?” I asked.
“Fine, but don’t expect me to take care of you when you’re sick,” he chuckled.
“No! You don’t get grossed out by vomit! You have to take care of me if I get sick. That’s the rule. I manage the money…you manage the puke.”
The marriage vows say “in sickness and in health” but I don’t think I’ll be able to handle “holding my [future] husband’s hair back” when he’s sick. My goal is that I break myself of this phobia before I start having children. I wouldn’t want anyone calling CYF on me.
But for the time being, how bad of a girlfriend am I? Honest?
LaTonya Yvette
January 3rd, 2009 at 9:09 AM
This is a hard one, I can see both sides. I’ll give you a five. (not to bad)
Susan Helene Gottfried
January 3rd, 2009 at 6:19 PM
We’ve been married going on 12 years and unless he’s been post-op, when he gets sick, he gets the bedroom and I get the rest of the house. Unless he’s hacking up a lung; then he sleeps on the couch.
Stormy
January 3rd, 2009 at 10:26 PM
If I didn’t personally know you, I’d sympathize with the boyfriend. Since I’ve known you for 10+ years, I know your puke-phobia is real and not psychological. On that note, I think that if when he’s sick you’re willing to run to the store for the Pepto and to heat up some soup, then it shouldn’t damage your girlfriend score.
E.P.
January 4th, 2009 at 11:01 AM
Honestly, I don’t think you’re a bad girlfriend for this. I mean, we all have our breaking points and vomit happens to be one of yours. Not everyone can deal with that, and I remember vividly one time this past spring that I was sick (see: vomiting) while the boy and I were in NOLA for a wedding. He hung back in our hotel room while I emptied my stomach, then consequently passed out in the bathroom. He did, of course, wake me up and put me to bed, but he stayed away for the puking.
As long as you’re there to help him AFTER the puke is over, that’s what matters.
Thanks! I bought him some ginger ale before I left. And I called him about five times that night to check in on him. He knows I love him. I just don’t like his vomit.
Bridget Meade
January 4th, 2009 at 7:16 PM
I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from. However, the thought of hearing someone vomit (God forbid see it), is making me slightly nauseous. I am confident that if he needed to be hospitalized, you wouldn’t leave his side. That’s what matters.
Everyone has their limits and obviously this one of yours. It happens.
Stealthnerd
January 6th, 2009 at 2:39 PM
Omg!! I am SO with you on this one! Luckily my BF knows that there is nothing that freaks me out more than vomit so he’s perfectly happy to stay far away from me if he’s sick and perfectly willing to hold my hand (or my hair if it comes to that) if I ever get sick (tho it’s been like, 12 years since the last time…let’s hope for another 12!!)
Rosier
January 13th, 2009 at 11:32 AM
I don’t think you are a bad girlfriend, at all. Everyone dislikes something, and your boyfriend should accep it that you can’t even stand the thought of vomit.
Love is about accepting each other, right?
Thank you! I’m glad you agree. I’ll just have to be intentional about taking care of him in other ways.