I wish they had Lamaze classes for twenty-somethings.  Instead of learning how to breathe through childbirth, they could teach us how to breathe through our crises. You’ve got to admit there are some striking similarities between childbirth and the quarter-life.  Sharp pains, sweating, screaming at other people…these are all ways in which women in labor and people in their twenties manifest their discomfort.

I know I’m exaggerating a bit, but I have discovered a breathing technique that has been extremely helpful to me these past few months.  Whenever a friend gets engaged, offered a great job, or secures a kickass apartment, it comes in handy:

I breathe in…DON’T JUDGE.

I breathe out…DON’T COMPARE.

Ridiculously enough, it helps.  When I start to feel a “contraction,” I turn to the technique.

“She got married already? Neither of them even have jobs yet!”

DON’T JUDGE.

“She just graduated college a month ago. Why the hell did she find a job before me?”

DON’T COMPARE.

Only after I’ve repeated “don’t judge, don’t compare” a few times am I able to be semi-rational about things.  Deep down I know that comparing my life with others’ is like comparing apples with oranges.  Even so, that doesn’t make things any less difficult.

I thought about shutting Facebook down for a week or so.  Instantaneous updates of the success of my 850 friends are not doing much for me right now.  As happy as I am that not everyone’s life is as convoluted as mine is currently, I’ll be the first to admit that misery loves company.  So while you’re telling me about your brand new car with leather interior, I may be smiling on the outside, but “don’t judge, don’t compare” is running through my mind on the inside.

I cannot possibly be the only person who struggles with comparing her life to others’, right?  Even when things are going seemingly well in my life, I find myself worrying about what other people are doing, rather than focusing on my own goals.  I value knowing I’m on the right track, however after seventeen years of being a straight-A student, I’m used to being ahead of the pack.  These past few months have put me out of my element.

But now that we’re adults, leading our own lives, maybe it’s not about the pack anymore.  Something tells me that those nosy days of “Why her and not me?” are over.  Perhaps the best way to ensure you’re living the life you want to live has nothing to do with what other people are accomplishing in theirs. I’m starting to see just how distracting it is worrying about who’s getting married, having babies, buying houses, and getting job offers.  Especially since none of my problems are being resolved in the process.

Don’t judge, don’t compare.  That’s my technique for next couple of weeks.  My hope is that in the midst of all this inhaling and exhaling, I’ll somhow manage to “bring forth” a new beginning of my own.  People keep telling me that it’ll all be worth the wait and pain.

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