Dearest QLL

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Dear QLL,

Recently I moved in with my boyfriend for the first time. I love him to death, but the other day I noticed something troubling. He was using the bathroom. I heard the flush, the door opened, and he emerged. I realized I hadn’t heard the sink running. I went into the bathroom as if I had to use it, closed the door behind me, and looked down at the sink. Completely dry! He didn’t wash his hands after going to the bathroom. How can I bring this up without embarrassing him or causing a rift in our new cohabitation situation?

Thanks,

Grossed Out

Dear Grossed Out,

Your letter is a prime example of the phrase “different strokes for different folks.” It seems you have higher standards of hygiene than your boyfriend does. In this big world, there are some people who faint at the mere thought of viruses and bacteria festering in their homes, while others are more accepting of the idea. Unfortunately, when the two types attempt to cohabit, problems such as yours arise.

Because you’re sharing living space, your concern about your boyfriend’s hygiene makes complete sense. If he touches light switches, door knobs, or the remote control after using the bathroom and not washing his hands, he could be spreading unnecessary germs throughout your apartment. If he ever cooks for you, he could be passing those same germs through your food. After hearing stories about the deadly H1N1 virus, I understand your apprehension.

This is why you need to talk to him. I know that probably isn’t the answer you want to hear, but it’s true. It is always best to nip roommate and relationship conflicts in the bud before they get out of hand. Lack of communication usually just adds fuel to the fire. If you’ve just signed a year-long lease with this guy, you can look forward to twelve months of avoiding everything he touches if you choose not to speak with him about it. Additionally, you will also run the risk of harboring bitterness towards him if you try to ignore the problem.

Ideally, you should bring this up to him in a non-threatening way. Simply describe the situation and explain why it makes you uncomfortable. Assure him you don’t look down on him because of it, but in an effort to prevent cold and flu, you would appreciate if you both made an extra effort to practice good hygiene. You could probably say something like this:

“Listen, baby.  The other day I saw you go to the bathroom and I don’t think you washed up afterward.  Can you do me a favor and try to remember to wash your hands after you take a dump?  I’d really appreciate it.  Love you!”

Let him know how nervous you are about telling him this, but tell him that if the roles were reversed, you’d appreciate his honesty as well.

I assure you, if you’re living with your boyfriend, this will not be the last time you two will face a situation like this. No matter what the issue, I will more than likely advise that you openly communicate about what’s bothering you.

For the rest of you facing a similar situation, if the thought of telling your live-in boyfriend and/or roommate to wash up is too intimidating, here are some other more creative ideas that may or may not work (at the very least, you might laugh at some of them):

• If you express yourself better through written words, write your roommate an email or letter instead of speaking to him/her face to face.

• Send your roommates an email with a link to an interesting article about the importance of hand-washing. At the end, write in all capital letters, “LET’S ALL MAKE AN EXTRA EFFORT TO LATHER UP! OUR AWESOMENESS DOES NOT GRANT US IMMUNITY FROM SWINE FLU!”

• Place a bottle of hand sanitizer in every room of your apartment. When your roommates ask, “What’s up with all the hand sanitizer?” tell them you’re trying extra hard this year to not get sick. Ask them to join you in your fight against illness by washing up or using the sanitizer after using the restroom, before cooking, and before eating. Make them each sign a contract. Hang them up somewhere.

• Place a sign in the bathroom and in the kitchen stating a scary statistic reflecting the dangers of not washing your hands after using the restroom. Perhaps you could include this picture.
  

• Tell your roommates that you heard through the grapevine at work about an employee who was let go because she didn’t wash her hands after using the restroom. With a serious face say, “Yeah, I think HR is cracking the whip because of swine flu.”

• Lysol the bejeezus out the place. Those wipes come in handy too, so use those as well.

• Next year, opt to live alone. And bring up this issue with any future potential roommates. That way, you can better evaluate whether or not they would be a good fit for you BEFORE you sign a year-long lease.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck. With intentions as pure as yours seem, I’m confident you’ll be able to HANDle this just fine.

Best Wishes,

QLL

*Please note that Quarter-life Lady shall not be held liable for any advice given, taken, or not taken.  In other words, this is all in good fun!